Parenting takes more then just buying your kids gifts on Christmas and birthdays, and calling them several times a week. While money is also needed to pay for their cost of living. Child support payments DO NOT make up for lack of parenting.
Parenting takes love, understanding, compassion, encouragement, mentoring, and TIME. A lot of time to get all of that done for them. Children aren’t some magical being that poofs into your life out of thin air and says, “You look like you need some chaos in your life. I’m moving in with you and calling you Dad\Mom”. They have no say in when they are made, born, or to whom they are raised. WE make them, WE choose to carry them to term and birth them, WE choose to raise them. Until they turn 18, 16 in some states, they can’t walk away from us and raise themselves. So we, as the responsible “adult” should owe up to our choices and actually do them in full. Not in part, or when it’s convenient for us to.
Children need us to teach them how to dress, tie their shoes, make a basic (non-stove using) meal\snack for themselves, go potty alone, bath themselves, pick up their room when they are done playing, change the TV themselves, put in a movie on their own, read\write, tell time, count, add, talk, basic social skills, etc. They should be independent by age 13. At which point they need us to teach them responsibility and accountability of their own actions, and finding their way in life. (and now too, how to cook stove using meals) So they can take all that we’ve taught them in their first 13 years of life and apply them in actual day to day life. So that when they are legally old enough to be accountable as adults, they actually can be productive ADULTS that can support themselves.
Too often in families in which the parents are no longer in a relationship together. The non-custodial parent thinks acknowledging the child’s existence is better then walking completely out of their lives like some worse parents do and never seeing or speaking to the child again. They do the bare minimal to be in their child’s life and think that entitles them to be called Dad or Mom. NO IT DOESN’T! If you constantly have excuses to not be at school functions, to not be at their rehearsal\practice\games\etc, to not help them with their homework, to not take your child for a day or a weekend, or even a freaking afternoon… You do not deserve to be called anything then by your birth name. If you are nothing more then a paycheck and a phone call then you should be greeted on the phone by your child as “John” not Daddy, or “Mary” not Mom.
A 5 minute phone call to say ‘hey how ya doing?’ a few times a week makes you nothing more then a family friend. Hell, there are likely to be actual family friends that do more then you if that’s all you do. Child support makes you nothing but a financial backer to the child’s life. It does not make you a parent. You are not teaching that child anything other then how to be an irresponsible slacker.
Step up your game boys and girls!!! Children do grow up to see you for the worthless person you are to them and resent\hate you for it.
I took my 8yo daughter, 4yo son, and 7yo niece out onto the trails to ride bikes\scooter through the woods. The kids love riding through the trees, seeing the deer, and stopping at the pond to try and catch a frog.
About 1.5mls into the trails my niece, Mariah, hits a rock or something on the path and flips over the scooter. She lands on her left knee and has the biggest gash I’ve ever seen on such a little knee. Blood is streaming and all I can think is ‘crap’. My daughter agrees to ride the scooter back to the car while Mariah sits on her bike so I can pull her along. We get about a quarter of a mile from the end of the trail and Alexia falls off the damn scooter and sprains her left ankle. Now I’ve got 2 girls that can’t walk and we’re in the damn woods.
I double, triple, and quadruple check my daughter’s ankle is def sprained and she’s NOT walking anywhere. Mariah’s gash is still steady flowing blood down her leg and she can’t bend her knee at all. I’ve got 2 options:
After a few minutes of pacing the trail weighing my options my son points out a 2 foot wide, worn down semi-path thru a break in the trees about 10 feet from where the girls are. The path opens onto the baseball fields. Four baseball fields that connect to make a massive square field, the playground on the other side of them, a small parking lot, a wall of shrub that separate the playground from the main parking lot & picnic area. I’ll have a clear line of sight on him if he takes this route up till he goes around the shrub wall into the picnic area. At which point he will be within eyesight & ear shot of his dad.
I weigh my options some more and try my hardest to figure out how to get these girls out myself without paralyzing myself along the way. Finally I look at my son and say “Saviant, I need you to do something I dont feel the least bit comfortable with asking you to do.” After he says ‘ok mommy’ I continue: “I need you to walk across this field, to the left of the playground, carefully across the parking lot around the bushes, and into the picnic area. Your papi is napping on a picnic table by the bathrooms. I need you to find him and tell him to bring your stroller here because the girls are hurt, ok?” He tells me with steal courage and a brave face “Ok Mommy I will” Then drops his bike and starts walking.
Alexia immediately starts to cry in protest, “Please mommy don’t make him do this. He’s only 4 he could get stolen. Mommy please he’s too little!!” I turn to her and say “I know, I don’t want to. You’re both hurt and neither of you can walk. The trees block you from sight, and the distance stops me from hearing your screams. If I leave you to get help myself any pedophile could stumble across you and hurt you before I get back. There are a bunch of them registered in this area. I can’t leave you here. He has to go” My heart aches at the idea I could be sacrificing 1 child to save 2, but I forbid myself to think such a thing again and begin to pray out loud as I watch my son walk across the field. “Please get him to his father and keep him safe.” I repeat the prayer again & again with each step he takes to where it sounds more like a chant.
He eventually disappears around the shrub wall and I hold my breath in fear, while continuing my prayer mentally. What felt like an eternity passes when suddenly I hear my car alarm going off. I never felt happier hearing that sound!! They forgot to disarm my alarm before opening the trunk. He found his father, and he was safe!!! It took another 2 minutes before the two of them came into view around the shrub wall and were making their way to us. Saviant pushing the stroller gleefully. I nearly fell to my knees with relief at the sight of him as a tear fell from my eye. My baby was a brave, courageous, hero!!!
We got the girls back to the car and took them for the medical attention they needed. I’ve never been more terrified in my life as I was watching my 3 foot tall, 52lb, 4 year old son walk out onto that field and away from my protective reach. Nor have I ever felt more PROUD as I was to see him coming back with help.
Even the smallest people can have the biggest courage!!!
Unless you’re still in Jr High and are dating your first boyfriend\girlfriend ever, you should relate to the immaturity of belated ‘ground rules’ in a relationship. Seriously… “ground rules” for what each person feels is appropriate behavior, boundaries on types of and\or gender of friends, and how to balance your time evenly between your job\school with your friends & new relationship should all be laid out on the table and made definitive and finite as soon as you both realize you are getting ‘serious’. There is nothing that turns me off more then being 6 months to 2 years into a relationship with a guy\girl and all of a sudden BAM!!! Things they were “ok” with are suddenly relationship ending no-no’s that must end. o_O???
I’m sure most of us have dealt with the most common of these belated ground rules: No friendships allowed with the opposite sex! (-____-)
WORSE….When its a bias belated ground rule because they themselves have friends of the opposite sex. The infamous ‘lil sisters’ they love so much. *eye roll*
If you KNEW I grew up as “just one of the guys” and played sports and watch sports now as an adult, and had ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM with me going to watch games at the sports bar or live at the stadium with my guy friends when we met…. You have no business getting pissed about it 4 years later!!! Especially if I proactively chose to tune it down looooong before you started having ‘issues’ with it out of respect for our relationship, because I’d rather do these things with you then them. If you’ve met and chilled with these guy friends of mine (and when doing group hangs - their girlfriends) your damn self. You have all their numbers in your own cell phone and they are on your Facebook just the same as they are on mine. Why the sudden insecurity? If I’m down to only seeing them at New Year’s parties, annual cook outs they host (and you attend with me) and all of our respective birthday gatherings…. Why have an issue with the occasional Facebook comment saying ‘hello’ or the even rarer text\phone call. Most comical is when they call me for advice on saving their relationships and you insist they go through you 1st before talking to me about it.
It’s been 2 years since this drama started creeping into our now 6 year relationship, and I’ve reached the end of my tolerance with him about it. See, it’s been my collective experience as the universal “little sister” that all my boys talk to about their problems that this only happens when the following has happened:
Reason 1 & 3 happen most often so I favor thinking, if he hasn’t suddenly stopped talking to one of his ‘lil sisters’ recently as much as he used to… You need to boot his ass out the door!!!
Ladies and Gents… We all just need to be real straight out the gate and stay real. No script flipping halfway into filming the movie. Be honest, be faithful, and BE YOU and stop the bullshit! ;)
Its kinda beginning to piss me off that people are running their mouths about Rihanna getting back together with Chris Brown. I’d like to first say that I agree what he did was deplorable and evil. I personally feel he should have done at least 5yrs in jail without parole, and been court ordered into anger management for no less then 2yrs post sentence completion. A non-famous man would have been thrown in jail and ordered into anger management for less than the severity of beating Chris gave Rihanna.
HOWEVER: She did not run straight back into his arms after the incident. What everyone is failing to see is that, there is more to the story then what the paparazzi publish or the police report of what Chris did. No one knows if he got professional help on his own privately. No one knows what he must have done during the time he and Rihanna were separated to PROVE to her that he deserved a second chance to be a better man. She is NOT one of those females that took a beating and said “Its ok baby, I know I made you mad. It was my fault too. I forgive you” and ran back to him straight from the hospital. We all know that 1 female (friend or family) that does do exactly that. He did not beat her regularly before she said ‘enough’ and left him. It was a single fight between them and he let his emotions and actions get out of control.
As TRUE Rihanna Navy: We must trust her judgement and intellect. Trust that she did make him get help privately and prove to her that he has learned to control his emotions and actions. Trust that she is not going back to him blindly. Remind ourselves that she did make him wait and has had serious time to consider the impact of this decision. Trust that if he fails again she will walk away from him again and for good the second time. And PRAY, truly PRAY for her safety and for her to be right in her decision so she may find the “happily ever after” she deserves.
We are not in her shoes and do not know the whole story. Stop hating, stop judging without all the facts, and just love her as you did before this news broke.